


The Doctor is *IN*

by Ki_ru



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Anal Sex, Eventual Romance, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Gratuitous Smut, Humor, M/M, Meet the Family, Pining, Sex Pollen, Sickfic, Summer Vacation, mutual suffering, only it's not them pretending they're together, poor Doc is exasperated, see what I did with the title wink wink nudge nudge, the Kateb clan is merciless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 15:58:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16308245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_ru/pseuds/Ki_ru
Summary: Doc and Jäger are colleagues who harbour nothing but respect for each other. Unfortunately, people around them interpret their purely professional relationship a little differently, leading to considerable frustration. (Frustration which... needs to be let out.)





	1. A wedding during which a few things go horribly wrong

“When are you _finally_ going to settle down, Gustave? You know that your ceaseless travelling is breaking your mother’s heart, how could you do this to her? After all she’s done for you, she’s a fantastic woman and deserves grandchildren. Just find yourself a young bride, buy a house somewhere and _get to it_ , you’re still in the prime of your life.”

Doc is tired.

This isn’t the first time his aunt unleashes this endless litany of platitudes on him and he’s absolutely sure it won’t be the last, either. Both of them are fully aware that his mother supports his cause whole-heartedly, proudly talks of her son whenever she can and continues to embarrass him by listing all his achievements to perfect strangers – only what _he_ endures with a forcibly stoic expression, his aunt perceives to be an odd case of Stockholm syndrome, assumes his mother talked herself into making the best out of a heart-wrenching, horrific situation. He wishes he could get away with stealing one of the trays that are being carried around, hide in a bathroom and gulp down a few glasses of champagne but he has to drive to the reception after the ceremony. The prospect of living through an entire day surrounded by his family does nothing to quell his thirst for excessive amounts of alcohol, however.

He’s about to tell Joséphine he’d rather sew off his own arm than get married and procreate when there’s a tug on his sleeve, prompting him to turn around and be faced with one of the last persons he expected to see at his cousin’s wedding. “There you are, it was _impossible_ to find you”, Jäger addresses him out of breath, looking frazzled and like he just ran a marathon, “I also didn’t recognise you with clothes on.”

_What_. Doc stares at him, speechless, and watches as his German colleague notices his mistake, blushing fiercely. “I – I mean. With a suit. You’re wearing a – well, anyway, Jordan can’t find the newest report from you and Dr. Macintosh and we couldn’t reach you, so -”

Normally, Doc would be dismayed at the intrusion but right now, it’s a welcome distraction. “It’s in my top drawer, I even told him but he probably wasn’t listening, as usual. Should you be walking around?”

It’s a rhetorical question because _no_ , Jäger is definitely supposed to rest yet has been bursting with energy regardless, always finding excuses to not stay in one place. “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m all better, thanks to you. You have a magic touch and the bed was starting to get _really_ boring.” Jäger likes to play down the fact that he nearly died in T or C.

Doc opens his mouth to respond with harsh reproach when Joséphine, the old shrew, pipes up: “Is this what you haven’t been telling us?” And Christ almighty, she’s speaking _English_. Heavily accented and grating to Doc’s ears, but English nonetheless and he wasn’t aware that she spoke it or else he’d have dragged Jäger aside. This doesn’t explain her quip yet, however. “Gustave, you should really know better than to try and keep this sort of thing a secret, you look like a _lovely_ couple.”

Oh. _Oh_. “Wait, no -”

But it’s too late. Joséphine barks out a series of names and a fraction of a second later, they’re surrounded by vultures: a large group of French women dressed more appropriately for a funeral than a wedding, most of them widows or wishing they were. They immediately absorb the news through their semi-permeable membrane that lets gossip through yet rejects everything that borders on advice or goes against their beliefs, resulting in most of them cooing over the wildly inappropriately dressed Jäger who’s in jeans and a hoodie and looking _extremely_ confused. A barrage of questions follows in French: “When were you going to tell us?”

“Your grandfather is rolling in his grave, a _foreigner_ , really?”

“At least he’s tall, but which garbage can did he dig those _clothes_ out of? He’d be better off not wearing anything at all.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind seeing him naked, no wonder Gustave wants him all for himself.”

“I always knew you swung that way, from the day you rejected my Louise – which she’s still bitter about, by the way. As am I.”

Doc is tired.

“What’s going on?”, comes a panicked murmur from next to him and he wishes he could just slowly fade from existence.

“They think we’re together”, he answers and flinches when Joséphine hits him square in the gut with her purse.

“How dare you deny your boyfriend! Don’t try to hide anymore, Gustave. As for you, sweetie, you’re very welcome to stay and enjoy the festivities, I’d love to get to know you better. If he thinks you’re worth his time, you must be a rocket scientist.”

 

“How did we get here”, Jäger whispers out of the corner of his mouth. They’re sitting next to each other on the uncomfortable church pew, staring straight ahead and trying not to touch though it gets increasingly impossible with how Doc’s great aunt keeps scooting ever closer to Jäger for reasons unknown.

“You didn’t say no emphatically enough”, Doc replies equally as quiet as to not disturb the ceremony.

“They’re all surprisingly calm about you suddenly being gay.”

“At least one of them is going to offer you money to disappear and if you don’t manage to escape before the reception, someone will try to beat you up.”

“Can we just… leave? Like, right now?”

“You were the one going _I didn’t recognise you with clothes on_. You’re fucking staying.”

“One of your cousins shoved some condoms in my pocket and _winked_.”

Doc is _tired_. Next to them, his great aunt has started crying uncontrollably and uses the sleeve of Jäger’s hoodie to wipe her tears, leaving behind bright turquoise eyeshadow as well as most of her eyelashes which fills him with grim satisfaction. At least he’s not suffering alone. “Wait until they all start pinching your cheek.”

“Actually, your aunt told me about how you used to put on skirts and act out the female roles in -”

“If you don’t stop talking right this second, I _will_ turn this wedding into a funeral.”

 

“How did you two meet?”, Doc’s sister asks, eyes twinkling with mirth. She’s generously offered to translate between her brother’s _boyfriend_ and the obnoxious half of the Kateb clan (seeing as Doc refused outright) and has since spouted nothing but lies in French, following the flippant answers she gets from either of them.

“We’re killing people together”, Doc replies in passing and downs his first glass of wine.

“In a café”, Sofia tells their family which earns them a collective _awww_ that makes Doc want to strangle something. “Apparently it was all very cute.”

“Stop drinking. You said yourself I’m not even supposed to be walking around, let alone drive later”, Jäger addresses the wine in Doc’s hand with a frown. He looks tired.

“But you’re doing it anyway, aren’t you?” Without breaking eye contact, Doc raises the entire bottle to his lips and thoroughly enjoys the flabbergasted expression on the German’s face as he gulps down half of it in one go.

“He’s telling Gustave how much he loves him right now and they’re both embarrassed”, Sofia says. Another _awww_. The violent urges keep rising. “What do you like best about him, Marius?”

“Clearly, it’s my charming personality.” There goes the other half. Such a shame he can barely taste it – it’s decent wine, too.

“Everything”, Jäger replies. Doc very nearly spits it all out again and Sofia’s face lights up in proportion to the way Jäger’s face reddens as he hastily backtracks: “I mean – he’s a fantastic colleague and I value his work. I admire him. He’s just…” His mouth snaps shut as the two siblings stare at him in silence. “I uh… is there more wine somewhere?”

“This is the first thing that I can just translate word for word.” Sofia turns to her brother with a smirk. “Maybe the next wedding will be yours, hm?”

And Doc is tired.


	2. A family reunion during which a few things go horribly wrong

Whenever the entirety of the Kateb clan meets, it’s nigh impossible to get _anything_ done. Doc is lucky that they have a reservation at the expensive-looking restaurant or else the endless chattering would probably never die down between the smaller groups sprinkled over the well-maintained lawn outside. It takes about an hour for everyone to arrive, another hour to finish the greetings and good wishes and newest gossip and at least another half an hour until they’re seated. To prevent immediate chaos and petty arguments from the get go, aunt Joséphine was in charge of the seating seeing as she knows, better than anyone, who is currently at odds with whom. Fortunately, Doc managed to get seated with his immediate family and not his extended one which lowers the chances of Jäger being the only topic in his vicinity for the entire evening.

Then Doc notices the place card right next to him.

He opens his mouth, turns to his sister and freezes on the spot as he spots the person awkwardly shuffling past the row of elderly ladies all cooing over the newcomer. Once he’s over at Doc’s table, Jäger plops down on the chair next to him and nods as a greeting. “Hi”, he says.

“What the fuck”, Doc replies and gets angrily shushed by his mother.

Of course, Joséphine – who is fluttering about the room like a pleased magpie that’s taking stock of all it’s stolen – uses this moment to dive to their table with a triumphant smirk. “I see your husband finally made it”, she addresses them in English and presses her cheek against Jäger’s, undoubtedly leaving behind the top layer of her thick foundation.

“He’s not my husband.” How is it that as soon as his family is involved, Doc feels like he’s losing control over his entire life.

“Don’t be silly, Gustave, I last saw you at your wedding!”

“At _a_ wedding, yes, but _we_ weren’t the ones getting married!” Next to him, he can feel Sofia, his sister, shaking with silent laughter while Jäger just looks from one person to the next in horror.

“Wait, what’s going on?”, he wants to know and Doc _really_ would like to know as well because what in the everloving _hell_ is he doing here?

“Oh, I heard from your mother that you were planning to come alone and keep hiding your handsome husband from us, so I took the liberty of inviting him myself. It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Marius, enchantée!”

With a self-satisfied cackle, Joséphine glides off, leaving Doc to bury his face in his hands. “It said it was some kind of emergency”, Jäger whispers, alarmed.

“It is”, replies Doc’s mother with a warm smile, “my aunt is turning 100. You should’ve seen Joséphine freaking out about the whole event, it’s a wonder she didn’t faint repeatedly.”

“Should I – should I leave? I feel like I’m intruding.”

“You were at my cousin’s wedding too, you’re basically family at this point”, Doc tells him tiredly. “No one cares if you stay. Also, the food is really good. But if anyone tries to make us kiss for a photo, I’m running.”

 

They do kiss for a photo, but not before Doc has consumed enough liquid courage (and right now, he really needs it to deal with his family) to not only realise that if they don’t agree, it’s going to cause a huge commotion which he’d rather avoid, but also to actually _do_ it. He gets told to lighten up a little as his grimace probably mirrors his exasperation and then they’re kissing, just a peck long enough to be immortalised and that’s when Doc’s muddled brain notices his mistake. Photos don’t just disappear into a void.

Good heavens, his cousin has the best blackmail material on him now without even being aware of it. At least the wine is delicious, as usual.

“I’m _not_ going to drive home today”, Doc slurs in the direction of his mother who’s watching him with a wise smile for some unknown reason. “Can I sleep in my old room? Sofia is staying over as well, right?”

“She is, in her room. But… don’t you think it’s a bit much? The coincidences? How come you two just keep running into each other?”

He needs a moment to parse this comment before being able to reply. “Oh my _God_ , maman, are you serious?”

“I’m just saying! It seems odd to me, Gustave. And neither of you seems very intent on clearing up this so-called ‘misunderstanding’.”

Okay, if his _mum_ is turning against him as well now, it’s time to book it. “Right. We’re leaving. Marius can drive me.” He turns around with a little too much force and has to hold on to the back of someone’s chair which turns out to be Jäger’s who is currently downing his fourth shot of something very French and very potent. “Why are you doing this to me?”, Doc asks him with all the helplessness he can muster.

Jäger looks at him (or rather: at the space next to him, unfocused) with an almost comically guilty expression. “I thought _you_ were driving. I drove last time, so -”

“Don’t worry, Gustave’s bed is big enough for two”, his mum comments cheerily.

 

Doc’s bed is _not_ big enough for two. They’re standing in front of it, Jäger frowning, Doc with the stoic expression of someone who has accepted that life is suffering. He barely remembers the car ride which had a lot of Jäger almost falling asleep on his shoulder and both his mum and his sister giggling like teenage girls and he’s _tired_. “I’m not sleeping on the floor in my own room”, he announces.

“I can sleep on the floor”, Jäger points out helpfully and earns a dark glare.

“Not only is your injury from T or C still affecting you, but you also managed to almost saw your leg off recently, did you forget about that? You’re _not_ sleeping on the floor.”

“Then we have to share.”

“I guess so.” They undress in silence, Doc only stopping to stare at Jäger when the German takes his shirt off as well and then _hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear_. “What in the _world_ do you think you’re doing?”

Jäger stills, looks down at himself and slowly removes his hands again. “I normally sleep naked”, he explains sheepishly and of _course_ he does, why wouldn’t he?

“I’m never attending any family event ever again”, Doc informs him, “especially not when you’re invited. Get in and scoot over.” They slip under the covers and struggle for five minutes to find a comfortable position which involves a lot of naked skin brushing over naked skin and so when they finally decide on spooning, Doc ends up as the big spoon and he feels Jäger halt as soon as he for some reason starts to wiggle his butt into Doc’s crotch.

“You have – is that a -”

“ _Yes_. I know”, Doc grits out and it’s exceedingly stupid. All of this is nothing but _absurd_ , a mockery. “Just… I don’t know, ignore it. It’ll go away. Jesus Christ, can we just sleep?”

“You sound angry.”

“I’m _furious_.”

“You shouldn’t go to bed angry.”

Holy shit. This is when Doc snaps. He fixes the back of Jäger’s head with a level gaze and suggests the only thing that seems sensible to him at that moment: “You know what, you’re right. If everyone thinks we’re fucking, we might as well. Turn around and get naked.”

A pause. Doc doesn’t even care if he’s overstepping any boundaries because he’s way past caring in general. “Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious. Come on.”

 

The next morning, when the two enter the kitchen to join Doc’s parents and his sister for breakfast, Doc is displaying a fierce scowl while Jäger is not only wearing his shirt backwards but also stumbles around, stunned – and not only because of his injury.

“Had a nice night?”, Doc’s mum wants to know with a bright smile to which Jäger simply nods absent-mindedly. If Doc didn’t know better, he’d assume he’s still drunk.

“I want to hear _nothing_ ”, Doc hisses and pours himself a cup of coffee that looks inviting enough for him to almost down it in one go immediately. “Alright? Nothing. Not from you, maman, and not from you either, Sofia. _Nothing_.”

“That’s a shame”, his mum retorts sweetly. “Last night, I wanted to hear nothing as well but my wish wasn’t granted either.”

To this, Jäger’s cheeks turn slightly pink and Doc just walks right back out of the kitchen, taking his coffee with him and seeking refuge, hopefully at a place where the concept of family doesn’t exist.


	3. The aftermath of a mission during which something went horribly wrong

“You said it’s going to go away on its own”, Jäger states, frustration clearly visible in his face. He’s unable to sit still, shuffling on the chair and digging his nails into his thighs. It’s obvious he can deal with this, uh, affliction less composedly than Doc who peeks at him over his screen from the other side of the desk.

“I did say that”, he replies evenly and presses his lips together at the email being displayed on the monitor right now. “It seems I was wrong, however. A colleague has run into the same substance in California before and she seems to suggest to, um, take matters into one’s own hands.”

The German stares at him in disbelief. “I told you, I tried it, it doesn’t _work_. I can’t – I can’t finish.”

Doc is fucking _tired_. They completed a mission earlier that day which almost went off without a hitch, a clean infiltrate and extract, no casualties, an extremely satisfying result. Except for the fact that he and also Jäger breathed in some of the unidentified powder Smoke stirred up when he erroneously shot one of the crates standing around. The effect was… immediate. The two exchanged scandalised gazes to confirm it wasn’t just _them_ feeling like this and awkwardly adjusted their uniforms, taking extra care not to undress in the presence of their colleagues. Doc claimed not to be affected to the rest of their team and hid in the safety of his office whereas Jäger made the mistake of mentioning the, er, _effect_ of the drug to Bandit. Resulting in both of them being chased around by a horny German hoping to get some simply based on the fact that neither of the two have their most intimate parts under their control.

Therefore, Doc is sitting at his desk with a raging erection which is slowly starting to become painful. He kept his hands off it whereas Jäger didn’t display the same kind of self-control, attempted to alleviate the problem himself yet only seemed to make it much worse. It apparently takes all his discipline not to expose and satisfy himself right then and there.

“Well what did she do?”

Doc squints at the monitor. “She… made her girlfriend very happy that day, it seems.”

“Oh my fucking God. I’m going to _implode_ , Doc, I need to do something about this.”

“From what she tells me, an orgasm diminishes the effects and encourages blood flow, so it’s recommended. With her, it lasted the entire day but she, well, seems to have ingested more than we did. So we might be lucky and it’ll all be over in a few hours.”

“It’s _been_ at least two hours. My dick is going to fall off in the meantime. Does she have any suggestions on how to actually get off?”

“The use of specially designed toys seems to be -”

“Fuck, yes. Great idea, I’ve got tons of those at home, I hope you do, too. Otherwise, good luck suffering!” Jäger jumps up and eagerly turns to the door but stops when Doc calls his name the way a parent would call a misbehaving child.

“You’re not going to drive in this state. You’re a liability. Besides, you’d draw attention to yourself – even more than you already did – and I refuse, outright _refuse_ to let anyone know about this. I have a reputation to lose. You can’t disappear right after a mission, not when the only explanation you can offer is your heightened state of sexual arousal necessitating immediate care.”

Jäger pauses and looks down at the very obvious bulge in his trousers. “I guess that’s not an acceptable excuse to go home early, is it?”, he responds sadly and sinks back onto the chair. “So what then? I don’t suppose you’ve got some dildos in your office?”

“If it’s just for a few hours more, there shouldn’t be any lasting damage. How about you just ignore it for now and -”

“I _can’t_. It got worse when I tried to jerk off and now it’s just… I can’t even think straight. It’s like when it’s spring or summer and everyone’s wearing short sleeves or no sleeves at all, oh God, all those pronounced muscles and sweaty bodies, and the -”

Doc pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Look. From the way it sounds, having a partner might do the trick.”

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting Dom touch me. He’d probably just tease me and then my dick will _really_ fall off.”

A sigh. “While I do agree that he’s not the answer, there’s an alternative. We could just…” He makes a vague gesture and earns an uncomprehending stare in return. He wonders briefly whether Jäger’s brain always commits suicide every time he’s aroused, which admittedly would explain quite a few things, and simply gets up to lock the door before reclaiming his seat. “We can keep this among ourselves.”

Now he finally gets it. “But you said we were never gonna do this again, did -”

“I did say that. Once again, I appear to have been mistaken as I could not factor in the frankly ridiculous coincidence of the two of us finding ourselves in this predicament. Now get over here and shut up.” He observes Jäger basically jumping to his feet once more, a mixture of relief and excitement written in his features as he straddles Doc, already unbuttoning his own jeans. Now that his erection is freed, there’s nothing stopping him from touching it and suddenly Doc has an involuntarily randy German masturbating on his lap. He sighs and rolls the chair around a little, gathers a pair of latex gloves, a bottle of lubricant and, just to be safe, a few condoms. Jäger is so blissfully stroking himself that he barely notices anything happening around him, leaning back and propping himself up on the heavy desk behind him as he starts bucking his hips into his fist.

Doc tries not to let the sight get to him, puts the white gloves on and covers his fingers in lube before swatting Jäger’s hand away so he can wrap his own around the rock hard member. His own erection twitches at the contact, at the feel of it in his hand, at the warmth and the moan that has Jäger arch his back and for a second, Doc considers joining in. But no, he’s the responsible one here; in a way, Jäger is his patient and his well-being is in his hands – literally. He can’t allow his own lust to take precedence. Slowly, he begins sliding his fist up and down, wrenching a few pleading whispers from Jäger, who seems wholly lost in his pleasure, before he speeds up and tightens his grip.

It seems that he’s not doing anything wrong if the broken sounds stemming from Jäger’s throat and the way he trembles are any indication: the German’s eyes have rolled back into his skull and his hips meet Doc’s every stroke yet he doesn’t seem to be getting any closer for some reason. He’s almost there, just shy of the real thing, claws at the wooden surface under his hands, squirms under the decisive touches and moans continuously – but he doesn’t come. Maybe he needs more stimulation or just a different kind. Doc has his patient undress his lower half and lie down on the desk, adds copious amounts of lube and pushes one finger inside Jäger without asking, prompting a disbelieving gasp which almost immediately morphs into a throaty moan at the sensation.

Doc manages to work three fingers into him before giving up. He has to admit, Jäger takes them like a champ, grinds against them in a manner sensual enough to appeal to Doc’s most primal urges – and if he’s even more frank, he’s starting to understand Jäger’s desperation earlier. The incessant _pull_ of his arousal is nigh impossible to ignore by now, being fed by the view in front of him, Jäger’s unbridled enthusiasm and the fact that it’d be so easy to just…

“Do it”, Jäger tells him breathlessly as if he’s read his thoughts. “Fuck me. You know you want to.”

He does want to. How did Jäger know? The lower half of his body _throbs_ in anticipation and it’s a matter of seconds to discard the slippery gloves, open his trousers, rip open a wrapper and roll on a condom before he can finally, _finally_ sink into this tight, delicious heat. Both of them are moaning now, Jäger wraps his legs around the Frenchman’s waist and pulls him in until he’s fully buried inside and it’s divine. Never before in Doc’s life has anything felt this good, his dick is pulsing gratefully and when Jäger murmurs: “Oh shit, _yeah_ , that’s so fucking hot.” – Doc can only agree.

Right away, they chase their own release, Doc snapping his hips forward relentlessly and Jäger meeting his hard thrusts with his own hips while wanking with abandon. It’s carnal and unrestrained, both of them letting loose in favour of simply enjoying the bright hot pleasure their movements cause. Doc’s brain cares not for any of his previous concerns and is utterly preoccupied with the feel of Jäger’s insides, the sensation of him clenching around him, the fast thrusts that promise relief without delivering.

By the time Jäger comes, they’re both soaked in sweat, have foregone more dramatic motions for the most efficient ones, Doc slamming into him with short, deep thrusts as Jäger writhes and mewls and then – then he reaches his climax with a strangled cry. His body comes alive once more, pulls Doc in and speeds up his hands before ejaculating, spurting all over his t-shirt without a care in the world. He’s loud and it seems violent, makes him shudder and gasp for air but all Doc cares about are the contractions around his own cock. He continues his thrusts throughout Jäger’s orgasm, reaches deep with every thrust, his own climax in sight, treading ever closer to the edge.

When he’s finally pushed over, Jäger is fully hard again and moving against him insistently, grinding on him as an overwhelming sense of relief washes over Doc, his release sweet and brutal simultaneously. It’s elating and forceful at the same time, has his thighs tremble and unknown noises escape his throat. Wave after wave hits him as he comes deep, feels himself throb as Jäger almost rides him by now.

There’s a brief moment of clarity, right when the heavenly feeling subsides, a few sober seconds during which Doc’s mind regains control of him and thinks: _This isn’t good. We should stop doing this_.

But he’s still hard and even worse, he’s still _aroused_ and Jäger is looking at him with a glint in his eye. “Let me suck you off and then eat you out.”

And both of those options sound equally appealing right now.

 

When he can think clearly again, he’s sitting on the floor in front of his desk, legs outstretched and naked, the upper half of his clothes rumpled and messy and his penis finally, _finally_ not stiff anymore. He’s physically exhausted to a worrying extent, probably dehydrated and faintly dizzy. He’s pretty sure Jäger is draped over his chair behind him in an uncomfortable position as the low whining seems to come from that direction.

“I’m never sleeping with anyone again”, Doc mumbles and earns an affirmative grunt from the puddle behind him.

“I can’t feel my legs. I didn’t even know you could _do_ that. The last position was -”

“Yes. Let’s not talk about it. Ever.”

The room reeks of sweat and sex, there are clothes, a troubling amount of wrappers as well as actual condoms and a long day’s worth of gloves strewn about and both of them are in desperate need of a shower. He’s not sure how much time has passed or whether they were so loud anyone heard it and dearly hopes no medical emergencies arose in the meantime. When there’s a knock on the door, he can’t even bring himself to panic due to the deep-seated fatigue weighing him down.

“Doc? Is everything alright in there?” It’s Blitz, sounding concerned – he has all reason to, is probably looking for his teammate and finds it odd that the office would be locked.

“Splendid”, Doc calls back drily which is accentuated by a snort from Jäger. Neither of them are moving.

“Can you – can you unlock the door?”

“I’d rather not, if I’m honest.” Another snort. There is no way he’s letting _anyone_ see them in this state, wrong conclusions would be drawn and God knows he’s suffered under too many of those already. He’s only recently managed to convince his close family that Jäger and he are neither secretly married nor _about_ to marry nor together in the first place – the last thing he needs would be workplace gossip on top of that.

“It’s just… Bandit was, uh, doing inappropriate things in front of the door and Tachanka found him. And he said that there was something going on inside which -” A pause. “Look, I don’t mean to pry or judge, but… during _work_? Really?”

Doc is so. Fucking. _Tired_.


	4. A vacation during which some things go wrong but it's mostly alright

“You look tired”, Blitz remarks right as Doc finishes his examination and earns himself a _withering_ glare.

“Seems like your arm has healed. Maybe now you’ll think twice about engaging in any sport with the small word ‘ultimate’ in its title, even if it’s followed by ‘frisbee’. And yes, I am indeed tired”, Doc replies icily, “and you and your teammates are a large part as to why. Did you know I received a call last night about what I _thought_ to be a medical emergency which turned out to be the impromptu funeral of a rabbit _which wasn’t even dead_? It must’ve taken a few sips from Bandit’s rum bottle because it showed very similar symptoms in that both of them were largely lethargic with spontaneous bouts of activity, if you can call running into a tree head first a hobby. With how often Bandit does it, I’d say it counts.”

“That’s exactly the reason why I’m mentioning it”, Blitz continues, incomprehensibly excited, “because we actually have a present for you. We pitched in together since you’ve done so much for us, went above and beyond, and we wanted to show you just how much we appreciate all that you’re doing.”

Oh. This is – unexpected. For a few blissful seconds in which the existence of a universe with frightfully idiotic special operators seems nothing but a fever dream, Doc is actually flattered and moved by the gesture. Then suspicion takes over. “…what is it?”

“You’ve been stressed recently and so we thought a vacation is _just_ the thing you need.”

They’re not wrong, though admittedly, Doc could always use a vacation, he just normally doesn’t allow himself to take a rest, abandon his work and the people who count on him. Because as much as he likes to complain, he does genuinely believe they’re good, hard-working people who are able to change the world for the better and he’s proud to serve by their side, honoured for the opportunity to befriend this many compassionate, attentive -

“So we bought you a stay in an all-inclusive hotel in Spain. For an entire week!”

Doc just _looks_ at the beaming German in front of him. He would’ve taken anything, _anything_ , even the bitter cold of the arctic over having literally nothing to do. He likes to go hiking, explore cities and landscapes, and what he doesn’t enjoy is laying in the sun all day wasting away. “That’s uh -”, he starts and is interrupted by a cheery: “You’re welcome! And don’t bring too many books, I’m sure you’ll find enough to do once you’re there.”

And the last wink _really_ should’ve made him realise what was going on.

 

“You”, Doc says loudly, loud enough to be audible over the busy chatter in the luxurious lobby, carpet thick, windows tall and spotless, pillars actual marble, and points at the person whom he’s addressing, “ _you_. I – this… you are _fucking_ kidding me. This isn’t happening. I’m out. I’m going fucking home. Jesus fucking Christ, what the _fuck_ were they thinking?”

People have begun to stare and Jäger walks over, suitcase in tow, so Doc doesn’t have to yell anymore. “I’m pretty sure I can guess”, he replies and sounds entirely too upbeat about this whole disaster of a situation, “you know, Elias has been going on about you and me not showing enough affection to each other.”

So Blitz thought he’d play marriage counsellor. Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Not only is everyone on the base still convinced the two of them are a couple, now they’re also meddling in their alleged affairs. Even though it’s only noon and Doc got enough sleep last night, he’s beginning to feel exhaustion weighing down his bones. “Did they really -” Book an expensive hotel for a week so Doc and Jäger could have some quality time together? The thought is too horrifying to actually say out loud.

Jäger shrugs and nods. “Seems that way, hm? I was confused why the lady behind the counter told me my ‘partner’ had arrived already.”

“I need something to drink.”

“Knock yourself out. It’s all inclusive.”

 

Doc does indeed knock himself out. He spends the first evening in the hotel bar, bemoaning his fate to everyone who doesn’t manage to get away fast enough and the first night hugging the really quite beautiful toilet while Jäger just giggles at him. He doesn’t seem any less intoxicated than Doc himself but apparently is more adept at holding his liquor – at least for a while. They somehow manage to take shifts in sleeping in their double bed (because of course they’re going to have to share a bed) and vomiting and they end up looking like zombies during breakfast. Blitz sends a text to Jäger about whether they’re enjoying their surprise and Doc only barely restrains himself from answering with a barrage of insults.

There really isn’t anything to do, so when Jäger goes to sleep off the food coma from the excellent breakfast buffet, Doc visits the beach and seeks shelter under a parasol where he tries to read one of the many books he brought until his eyes are falling closed as well. The sweltering heat together with the bright sun are headache inducing even through the painkillers he took pre-emptively this morning, and so he resorts to the one thing which never fails to help: dozing. It’s been a while since he was free from all obligations and duties and so he’s unlearned what to do when he’s not constantly anticipating the next emergency.

He’s awoken by a gentle touch to his hand and blinks groggily into the bright red fabric of the parasol which has miraculously moved to ensure he’s still in its shadow. Going by the fact that Jäger is now perched on another lounger next to him, it’s safe to assume he has to thank the German for saving him from the fate of ending up as red as a boiled lobster.

“Can you get my back? I want to go swimming in a bit.” Jäger holds out a bottle of sunscreen and switches over to Doc’s beach chair when he accepts it with a sigh. “Have you seen the dudes around here? It’s like a gay paradise. Pure eye candy.”

“You should’ve asked one of the prettier ones to smear sun cream all over you”, Doc grumbles as he rubs the cool lotion into the skin of Jäger’s back, barely resisting the urge to draw a dick on him first.

“I did. He’s currently at it.”

Doc snorts, amused for exactly as long as it takes for him to notice Jäger’s small moan while he’s massaging the back of his neck. A terrifying thought dawns on him. “Please tell me you don’t get horny when you’re bored.”

“Of course I do. What else is there to do? Just take a look around, there’s so many gorgeous guys wearing shockingly little and I bet they want to get away from their nagging fake husbands too.”

He pushes against Jäger’s shoulder blades, causing him to lean forward, and dips his hand into the back of his swimming trunks. Better safe than sorry – he once got a nasty sunburn right above his waistline and cursed himself for not being more careful. “I refuse to believe that anyone out there shares our fate. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Also, if you fuck a stranger in our bed, I’m going to murder you in your sleep.”

“Alright, I’ll stay classy then and fuck them on a toilet or something. I saw you ogle that one brunette though and the same goes for you. No fucking with women in our bed, and if it’s a dude, you better invite me to join.”

“Is that really all there is to do here? Flirt with people?”

Jäger shrugs. “You can go for a swim with me.”

Their banter is oddly freeing. Because no matter how much Doc doesn’t want to be here in this hot hell, at least he’s not _alone_. He likes Jäger as a person and their mutual exasperation helped them bond even further – maybe he should change his perspective and view this week as a spontaneous holiday together with a friend. Yeah, he can do that. So he finds himself nodding. “Alright. Let’s go.”

“Wait, you should probably apply some sunscreen too. I’ll help.” And as Jäger’s hands gently dig into his muscles, causing him to hum in approval, Doc realises something about himself he didn’t know before. He also gets horny when he’s bored.

He’s just never been this bored before.

 

“Look, Gustave, you’re a great guy and I really enjoyed your company, but I have to be honest with you – I’m not the kind of person to encourage affairs”, the cute brunette woman tells him with a soft, regretful smile.

He blinks at her. It was perfect, they spent the better part of two hours talking, getting to know each other and making each other laugh. Hers is melodic and sweet, the lines in the corners of her eyes alluring and the fact that she’s actually successful _and_ happy as a freelancer nothing but impressive. She’s caring and a great listener and - “What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen you with your husband. I’m sorry, but I don’t do this kind of thing. If you’re unhappy, I’m not the person with whom you should talk. He is.” And with a last squeeze of his hand, she vanishes into a different corner of the vast and uncomfortably dark bar, leaving Doc to put his head in his hands and take a deep breath.

Someone takes her place with a bitter grin which speaks of solidarity. “No luck either?”, Jäger asks.

“No. She also went right past couple and directly to marriage. Maybe we should stop hanging out together.”

“That only works if we’re not sleeping in the same room. Feel free to book one for yourself because I’m _definitely_ staying for free.”

“Why so optimistic, did you actually manage to score a romantic public bathroom blow job?”

“Ah, not yet. But I’m still looking.” Jäger takes another sip from his brightly coloured drink as if he hasn’t had enough the previous night, and lets his gaze travel through the room, allowing for Doc to study him in peace. He’s actually not bad company, a bit immature at times but even Doc got caught up in splashing around in the sea earlier, and he entertained him by explaining exactly how he could take all the electronics in their room apart to construct a microwave, thus allowing him to microwave Nutella to the perfect consistency to eat it with a spoon directly out of the jar. Doc stated that he’d just need to put the jar out in the sun or change the thermostat in their room and Jäger called him a spoilsport in return. He really isn’t that bad. It could be worse.

“Marius”, he says pensively and is immediately granted Jäger’s full attention, “do you… want to go back to our room?”

He doesn’t understand at first, reacts with confusion at Doc’s odd tone of voice but once he gets it, his eyes widen. Nodding eagerly, he attempts to finish his drink and answer simultaneously, resulting in a coughing fit which leaves Doc grinning.

The grin fades as soon as they shut the door behind them.

They don’t even manage to undress fully before Doc is buried to the hilt, and so Jäger gets to try his hand at multitasking once more, this time pulling it off without a hitch: he’s riding, taking off his shirt and moaning filth at the same time while Doc grabs two handfuls of his plump backside and meets his movements, idly wondering just how thick the walls between rooms are.

 

It ends up being almost compulsive. They try their best to find other activities, join people they don’t know in beach volleyball or badminton, go swimming every day, take walks, browse the internet on their phones or on Jäger’s laptop, but there’s a surprising amount of hours in the day and some of them actually make it impossible to leave their air-conditioned room because they’re entirely too hot. So they really have no other choice.

Soon, the other guests’ reactions to merely seeing them span a wide range, among them outright disgust, knowledgable smirks and supportive smiles. One retiree even approaches them with a mischievous grin and lets them know he’d be up for a threesome if they’re looking, but Doc quickly sends him away before Jäger can even _think_ about agreeing.

It happens more than once that Doc finds himself on their bed, Jäger entirely too loud while on his hands and knees before him with a frothing mixture of what Doc identifies to be his own come as well as the coconut oil they’ve grown fond of using dripping down his scrotum and he doesn’t even have the energy to be scandalised anymore. He’s accepted his fate by now, and if his fate is to survive a gruellingly carnal sex holiday, then so be it.

He’s stopped trying to correct people who call Jäger his husband. He even makes the mistake of signing a postcard his friend sends back to Hereford.

 

“So, how was your vacation?”, Blitz asks with a shit eating grin while they’re having lunch, sharing a curry IQ made which drew both the GSG9 as well as the GIGN operators together, resulting in six expectant faces turning to Doc and Jäger at the question.

“It was really fucking hot”, Jäger replies like an idiot and Doc wishes him physical harm.

“I bet it was”, Bandit mutters into his meal and earns a few snorts.

“You definitely look more relaxed than before”, Blitz takes over again, not wanting the conversation to derail this soon.

“Do I?” Doc certainly doesn’t _feel_ more relaxed, his muscles are aching and his penis is still sore.

“Yeah, you’re positively glowing. So you both enjoyed yourselves?”

“Or each other, more like.” Bandit again. And that is _it_.

It can’t be that no one is taking Doc seriously, not when he stoops to actually holding a funeral speech for a fucking _rabbit_ for his colleagues, not when he’s sweated and bled and worked himself raw for them. It’s ridiculous, absolutely absurd and, frankly, insulting. He can only imagine the reactions were he to actually start dating someone else and it’s bad enough he has to deal with his family thinking they’re together because _they_ refuse to listen as well and why in the _world_ is his dick hard. No, really. Why. This is probably the most inopportune -

“Did you make the curry with coconut milk?”, Jäger wants to know from IQ and judging by the vague panic in his expression, Doc surmises that he’s in a similar state. And oh. Does this mean he can never eat or smell coconut again without getting a boner? “I, uh, just need to go to the bathroom real quick.”

And while Jäger flees, Doc feels his own erection twitch in his pants. “Yeah”, he says distractedly, “me too.”

The snickering follows him all the way to the bathroom door and yet is soon forgotten. Seems like he’s not _too_ tired for now.


	5. A period of sickness during which almost everything goes fine (surprisingly)

Doc is wholly and worryingly fatigued.

It started in the morning when he woke up with a sore throat and an uncomfortable pressure against his temples and quickly devolved into light shivering and aching limbs – at the worst time of all, he’s off duty for a few days and already planned out his time as efficiently as possible: there’s a variety of chores to be done around his flat, his car needs to be brought to the mechanic, he wanted to spend some time with friends and finally answer all the messages and emails from his family. He can’t really afford to be ill, not when there’s so much to do. When he’s working, he focuses solely on his tasks, leaving little to no time for personal matters, therefore he was looking forward to catching up on everything now that he has the opportunity.

He skips breakfast due to a lack of appetite, swallows some painkillers and begins his day by tidying his apartment yet quickly has to admit defeat when he can’t even bend down without getting dizzy. Coffee helps his circulation but not his hurting throat and when he almost falls asleep with his head on the kitchen table, he decides to cancel his appointments for the day. He crawls into bed and sends a message to Blitz, means to inform more people of his awful and entirely unnecessary state of malady but drifts off into restless sleep before he can do so.

The doorbell wakes him, first weaves its way into his intricate and vaguely unsettling dreams before he realises its origin is rooted in reality. A few moments he contemplates just ignoring whoever it is but ends up rising slowly after all, shuffling his way to the door and opening it with the hope he doesn’t look as bad as he feels. Judging by Jäger’s aghast expression, it’s in vain.

“What happened to you?”, he wants to know, shocked, and enters the flat uninvited.

“Nothing. Everything is just peachy. What are you doing here?”

“It’s not like you to cancel spontaneously and since you didn’t answer any calls or messages, I thought I’d check up on you.”

“Well, I appreciate the sentiment but I’ll be fine. I just need -” Doc wobbles slightly and gladly takes hold of the arm Jäger offers him in support with a sceptical expression. “I just need some rest. Tomorrow I’ll be fine again.” He tries to escape when he sees it coming but Jäger manages to touch the back of his hand to Doc’s forehead anyway and frowns.

“You have a fever. Back to bed with you.” Despite Doc’s very insistent protests, Jäger herds him to his bedroom and even tucks him in, ignoring his weak curses and even weaker resistance. “When’s the last time you ate or drank something?” Doc’s hesitation tells him all that’s needed and he nods grimly. “I’ll be right back.”

Doc despises being ill. It makes him feel helpless and, worst of all, wastes his time – he barely accepts the necessity of sleep, so his body not doing what it’s supposed to annoys him to no end. However, what he hates even more is when someone else has to take care of him, he’s perfectly capable of doing that himself, thank you very much, after all he’s a professional and _knows_ what’s good for him, certainly better than someone airheaded like Jäger but when he returns with a glass of water Doc realises how absolutely parched he is. He gulps it down greedily, meeting Jäger’s unamused expression with one of his own and almost empties the second glass he brings as well.

“You don’t have anything to eat, I checked every cupboard. How do you _live_?”

“At the moment? Relatively unsuccessfully, I’d say.”

His sarcasm at least makes Jäger’s stern face soften a little. “I’ll get you something. Try to sleep some more now.”

“I’ve spent the entire day sleeping so far.”

“It’s eleven in the morning.”

He could’ve sworn it was later. “Don’t you normally get up really late on your off days?”

“Yeah, but Blitz wrote me so I got up and came here. Now sleep.”

 

The rest of the day is largely a blur. Doc drifts in and out of consciousness, often finds Jäger by his side who piled up an assortment of things on his bedside table Doc might need according to his questionable standards. Some of the objects make sense, like the water bottle, tissues, painkillers, throat sweets and light snacks, others are seemingly random, like an electronic device which looks intimidating to Doc and is apparently called a 3DS, three sand filled animals and a laser pointer. He neither has the presence of mind nor the patience to question him about the strange collection as he’s either in pain, coughing up a lung, freezing to death, sweating profusely or intensely nauseous. It doesn’t help that he’s putting himself under even more stress, thinking about all the things he won’t get done now.

At some point, he wakes up and doesn’t feel like he’s been digested and spat out by the world itself so he’s overcome with the urge to finally leave his bed before he starts going stir crazy. There’s music coming from the kitchen, so he makes his way there on unsteady legs, only to freeze in the doorway. Not only has his kitchen been tidied up completely, Jäger is also happily doing his dishes and bobbing along to the quiet electro swing coming from the laptop he brought and put on the table. Next to it is an opened bag with clothes and toiletries and the message is clear.

“You’re not fucking staying over just to take care of me”, Doc rasps and collapses on one of the chairs. He’s still exhausted. Humming along to the sweet melody, Jäger doesn’t even turn around and wordlessly points to three beer bottles on the counter next to him, two of which are empty. “You can still take the bus.”

This has him flash a victorious smile in Doc’s general direction. “It’s three in the morning”, he replies politely and oh look, it actually _is_ dark outside. Doc apparently was more tired than he thought.

“Did you make it impossible for yourself to get home just so I won’t throw you out or argue endlessly?”

The smile morphs into a grin. “Well… did it work?”

It did. Doc curses him for anticipating his reaction – it seems that after all the time they spent together, Jäger knows him entirely too well. “What’s with the brick-looking thing by my bed?”

“Huh? Oh, the 3DS? I was out for quite a while and didn’t want you to get bored. Wait, you have no idea what it is or how to use it, right? I’ll show you.”

“I don’t have the time to play around with children’s toys.”

Jäger’s eyebrow lifts meaningfully. “Trust me, once you know how to use it, you’ll get hooked.”

“What about the sand animals?”

“When I was sick as a child, I liked to practise juggling in bed.”

Doc stares at him. The image of this lanky nerd full of latent energy throwing things around while in bed is admittedly hilarious but he fears he’ll end up rupturing a lung if he allows himself to laugh now. “I should’ve known you never had any control over your life. And the laser pointer?”

“Ah, I somehow thought you had a cat.” He adores cats, that much is true, and he would get one in a heartbeat if he weren’t absent for most of the day – he’d consider getting one if there was someone else to play with him or her now and then. He doesn’t remember telling Jäger about any of this but he must’ve forgotten where his friend remembered. “In any case, there’s soup in the fridge, I can warm it up for you if you like. I bought some instead of making it since I didn’t want to set your kitchen on fire.”

“You really don’t have to do any of this”, Doc feels obliged to tell him because he _doesn’t_. He never would expect any of his friends to go to such lengths just for him, just because he’s not feeling well.

Jäger outright disregards his comment completely, doesn’t even object and simply keeps talking. “Tomorrow I’ll take your car to the base and fix it there – I had a look earlier and you don’t need a mechanic for it, I can do it easily. But since I’m technically off duty as well, I can go whenever, so we can play some Pokémon for the rest of the night if you don’t wanna sleep. For now just help me go through your mail, let me know what needs to be done now and all that and I’ll throw the letters in when I leave.”

Doc is speechless for a second and glances at the fridge where he’d pinned his _to do_ list two days ago so he wouldn’t miss any task during his free time. A few things are crossed out and it was definitely not himself who did it. _Sort mail out_ , the next bullet point reads. In French. Jäger must’ve contacted one of Doc’s teammates for a translation and then set out to -

“Marius”, he says quietly and his tone of voice betrays the way his eyes are burning. When he woke up ill, he prepared himself for a horrendous next week, expecting stress and frustration and too little sleep, unhealthy meals (and too few in general) and worries gnawing at him constantly. But that might not come true. It’s the most competent he’s ever seen Jäger act, even on the job he jokes around and is sometimes forgetful, but right now it’s obvious he’s really trying to make Doc’s life a lot easier – and despite his own unimpressed words or the insistence he doesn’t need nor want Jäger here, he’s fiercely appreciative.

Even more so when Jäger dries his hands, steps closer and allows him to rest his forehead on his belly. Fingers gently card through his sweaty hair and his friend’s voice is barely louder than the energetic music: “It happens all the time, you know, people overwork themselves and then when they want to enjoy their free time, they get ill because suddenly it all catches up to them. But it’s okay. I’ll take care of everything I can and you just focus on getting better. Alright?”

Doc nods meekly and sighs against Jäger’s body.

 

The room is quiet apart from the occasional dull clicking of buttons. Doc finally feels at ease with himself again, the pain subsided, the fever vanished, the coughing mostly gone. He slept fantastically, is ready to take on the world again, full of drive and thirsting for action. His body still feels weak but his appetite has returned and so it’ll maybe take one more day for him to gain all of his strength back – and he’ll do so with a clean and tidy apartment, a working car and basically nothing else to worry about. Jäger even helped with his family, asked about the people whom Doc wrote late last evening and snorted at some of the stories he told.

Now he’s nothing more than a brown shock of hair on the pillow next to Doc’s, blanket pulled up to his chin and face buried. The urge to pet him, wake him with an affectionate gesture is nigh irresistible because Doc has come to thoroughly enjoy his company… which happened a while ago, if he’s honest. Strange circumstances forced them together but now he can’t pretend he minds any of it.

There’s movement, a yawn, a stretch, and then Jäger turns to him, groggily rubbing his eyes and with a pillow crease on his cheek. “Morning”, he mumbles.

He’s a treasure. Looking back, he never genuinely complained about being mistaken as Doc’s partner, always went with the flow and usually ended up making Doc feel a little better about the situation. It always could’ve been someone worse but the revelation that it couldn’t have been anyone _better_ is fairly recent. As recent as last night maybe, when Jäger shyly stroked Doc’s fingers while he dozed, repetitive, soothing motions to which he floated away while thinking _huh, fancy that – I actually_ really _like him_.

But instead of disclosing his thoughts for now, he opts for something more immediate. “Look, my starter thingy evolved”, he says and proudly tilts the screen in Jäger’s direction.

All of his sleepiness is gone in an instant. “Wow, really? That’s awesome, let me see. What about the rest of your team?” He slings an arm around Doc’s waist and scoots closer, snuggles up against his side and his sudden enthusiasm is frankly adorable.

“You know, I don’t think I’m sick anymore”, Doc tells him and, in certain tone of voice, adds: “And definitely not contagious.” Jäger has perked up and obviously caught on that he’s trying to imply _something_ but isn’t entirely sure as to what yet. “You know what that means?”

Realisation dawns on him but it’s the wrong conclusion, Doc knows what Jäger is thinking when he clarifies: “You mean we can -”

“Yes. We can finally kiss.” And oh, _now_ he seems to get it because they’ve only kissed once, incidentally got photographed during it but all the times they’ve had sex so far, they never did. Neither of them tried to initiate it but retrospectively, it did create a certain distance between them which probably deterred Jäger from attempting to go a step further. Which Doc is doing now.

Relief colours Jäger’s expression instantly. “Thank _God_ ”, he says with a longing in his voice Doc should’ve noticed earlier and presses their lips together, uncaring about whether he might get sick instead, not bothered by the fact he only just woke up. He might’ve been waiting for this for a while. In between sweet kisses, Doc expresses his gratitude for all that Jäger has done for him, wants to explain just how much it means to him but gets the impression Jäger knows anyway. They don’t even do anything else, simply kiss and kiss, exchange relieved smiles and soft touches and roll around in the large bed, the game console wholly forgotten and almost broken in half at some point.

“You know”, Doc murmurs eventually while they’re catching their breath, cheeks hurting from grinning this much, “it’s actually a good thing everyone already thinks we’re together. We don’t even have to tell anyone or keep it a secret.”

An odd look creeps onto Jäger’s face. “Yeaaah”, he responds very slowly, “uh, about that…”

 

“Good to see you again!”, Blitz greets Doc enthusiastically and pats his back. “I’m glad to hear you’re back on your feet.”

Doc, absent-mindedly juggling with three pens, waits for the other shoe to drop, even decides to help the German along with it. “Thank you. I might’ve taken longer to recuperate if not for Marius being an absolute angel.”

Immediately, Blitz looks sheepish. “Speaking of – I talked to him a few days ago and he explained to me that your ‘relationship’ was all a joke. I _still_ can’t believe I fell for it.”

“Mhm”, Doc says.

“Seriously though, you two were so _good_ , you played it straight for so long! How did you manage not to break character? If I’d tried the same I’d probably have ended up laughing my ass off at one point or another.”

“It was a real challenge to keep my composure”, Doc replies drily.

“Dom could’ve _sworn_ you guys – well, you know – that one day. You kept it up for so long that even he was impressed, did you just _sit_ there and moan so we’d think…? Man, you two are devious.”

“Natural born pranksters, that’s us.”

“And the vacation, oh God, you probably laughed so much about how easily we all believed you. It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen, Doc, really.”

Doc doesn’t know how, but Jäger managed to convince their colleagues that it was all a hoax. He’d noticed Doc being under a lot of stress and correctly surmised that rumours at the workplace certainly wouldn’t help and therefore did his best to clear the whole thing up. A moving gesture – only now it’s become utterly redundant and complicates matters even further. “Sorry to interrupt you, but we actually _are_ together now.”

Blitz furrows his brows. “What, really?”

“Yes. It happened yesterday. I know it sounds hard to believe, but the whole pretending thing brought us closer, to a point where neither of us could deny a certain -”

“Come on, you already got me, it’s not gonna work another time.”

Like his knight in shining armour, Jäger appears just then, walks over and gives him a peck on the mouth. “Hey, dear. You look good, but take it easy regardless, alright?”

Doc can’t help the stupid smile stealing onto his face, especially not when it’s reciprocated and so they lock lips once more. Now that they’ve properly confessed to each other, they can’t get enough.

“Guys, you don’t have to go this far, no one’s going to believe you anymore”, Blitz interjects amusedly. “No matter what you do.”

And as if on cue, IQ yells from a distance: “Doc, we _know_! There’s no need to keep up the charade now – but you sure got us good!”

With growing alarm, Doc realises that Blitz is right. If their colleagues were so oblivious to end up steadfastly convinced of them being a couple before, chances are they’re not going to change their mind now either. No matter what they do.

Jäger throws him a concerned look, making it clear he’s come to the same conclusion, and they simultaneously heave a long-suffering sigh. This is _absurd_.

They’re so goddamn tired.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Come visit [my tumblr](http://kiruuuuu.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to say hi ❤ I'm much more active there :)


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